It is getting tougher

to keep a brave face, when trying to teach unwilling students, secretly knowing this will be my swan song. I have told only 3 people in the school building, as the rumor mill works overtime (one of the things I think that contributed to my demise. Lots of little birdies talking in the ear of the principal, who I come to find out, has never been a classroom teacher. He went from guidance counselor to principal. And the little birdies spin things their way. Yesterday I had one of the teachers next to me screaming at a student at the top of her lungs - during our planning period. She shoves the students around as well - physically. Meanwhile I am chastised for having a voice that carries (usually considered a useful thing to a teacher) and "cussing out" students.)

So the kids are done learning, or at least trying to learn. We are all just counting days, and inside I take a very small chunk of joy knowing this is a countdown to more than just the end of the year. The anxiety about my next steps is great - perhaps if my wife gets more of a full-time job we both can work full time and actually have a little more than we have now. But I am wedged in that role of breadwinner, and she is entrenched in her role of working when she wants, wishing she could have more hours at the yarn shop (which won't happen, as the owner has a soft spot for a woman who lives alone, is a recovered alcoholic, and ignores customers), but won't pursue things like opening an Etsy shop (to sell patterns she designed, which could be emailed immediately, or even things she just casually knits), or follow up with her attempted entry into being a bank teller (took the suitability test, then never kept checking openings, since I got back into a teaching slot).

The rest of this month hopefully will be a blur. Next week, jury duty. The week after, wife travels to some wool show in Kentucky for a weekend, when I also happen to be doing a GRE/GMAT session on Saturday. Eventually she and the younger will fly to New York, and the daughter will stay for a month with the other daughter, with wife returning who knows when. I don't get consulted.