Got a knock on the door during my 5th period today - an office floater to look after my class while I go to see the principal. I figured (correctly) that it was my summative review, since it is overdue, and the principal was eager to complete the paperwork on my final observation last week.
I was right. And wrong at the same time. The review was basically:
You are a first year teacher with the County (which means they treat me like I don't know anything, require me to go to "new" teacher development), but you hold a professional license, so we expect all your performance to be in the Advanced area. The principal had scored me Proficient in all areas, except for two. These two had nothing to do with classroom observation, but stem from incidents where he was told I said things, felt I was too loud or spoke improperly to students, and those areas were marked Unsatisfactory.
Long story short, he is forwarding my file to Human Resources with a recommendation of "Non-Renewal" which in effect means I am out of a job. Again. Spoke briefly with my mentor teacher who wants me to gather my observation reviews (which are all rated A or B, and should jibe with the rest of my review) and talk about my options.
I am kind of numb. Not sure if I am relieved to not be a teacher (part of me is), anxious because I have 3-4 months to find a new career, or just completely apathetic until things sink in. Right now apathy holds the day.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Stormy Weather
Three days in a row, and three weeks in a row. Tornado alerts prompting kids to assume the storm position in the halls. And yesterday they didn't take it seriously and several refused to cooperate, sitting up or talking. One boy even told me he wanted a tornado to hit. When I asked him if he wasn't concerned about people, including himself, being hurt or killed he told me "he had Jesus." Ohhhh kay.
When I got home, I let the dogs out normally, nothing clued me in to anything out of the ordinary until I noticed no light on the answering machine. Which prompted me to check the clock on the stove, which told me power had been out for an hour. Then the phone rang, and I walked up the street where an apparent tornado had touched down, across the street from my daughter's school (where she was staying late for Drama Club), uprooting multiple trees in a 200 yard long path. Fun.
Power was back on by 6:30, but the trivia league was called off because the staff couldn't get there (lots of traffic lights were out).
Today is clear and cool, and should stay that way, with decent weather through the weekend. But the ugly news from further south just reinforces the idea that "this is not a drill."
When I got home, I let the dogs out normally, nothing clued me in to anything out of the ordinary until I noticed no light on the answering machine. Which prompted me to check the clock on the stove, which told me power had been out for an hour. Then the phone rang, and I walked up the street where an apparent tornado had touched down, across the street from my daughter's school (where she was staying late for Drama Club), uprooting multiple trees in a 200 yard long path. Fun.
Power was back on by 6:30, but the trivia league was called off because the staff couldn't get there (lots of traffic lights were out).
Today is clear and cool, and should stay that way, with decent weather through the weekend. But the ugly news from further south just reinforces the idea that "this is not a drill."
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Class from Hell
Every teacher has one. It is the one period that they look forward to the least, in fact may dread, and clock-watch just to endure. Mine is my 4th period, which is interrupted by lunch. They come in, get started on bellwork and then line up for lunch. Most can't/won't line up quietly or walk quietly to the cafeteria.
On the way back, usually several of them group at the cafeteria door instead of getting in line. When asked, they ignore me, talk back, or deliberately do the opposite. We have a bathroom break on the way back - they play and take inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. Once back in the room we have several types (and sometimes more than one of each type) of disrupters:
The Blurter - will say out loud whatever comes into his head. Sometimes will raise a hand to decoy me into calling on him, to get a question completely unrelated to the lesson. When told not to do this, gives either a loud, whiny "WHAT!?!" or starts in on how his parents told him to....etc.
The Disrespector - no matter how many times they are reminded of rules, they break them, and when reminded, usually express some sort of shock and make a comment or noise. Example - Please stop talking. "Ugh" "OMG" "RRRR" with a hand passed across the face and pulling at the mouth as if exerting some supernatural power not to speak, which they have already done.
The Disobedient - When given a consequence, such as a detention, this child announces loudly "I don't care", followed by "I'm not gonna go anyhow", which is answered by laughter from the rest of the class.
The Ignorer - No matter how many reminders, this child will just keep doing the behavior, whether it is talking, getting up for whatever reason, crouching in the seat with feet on the chair, writing a note to somebody, etc.
Now, this class has had the pleasure of visits from the guidance counselor (who has called multiple parents, as have I), the Assistant Principal, the Principal, several other teachers, all to let them know the score, and how to behave. To no avail. Yesterday I wrote on the dry erase board the day and time of a class-wide detention to make up the missed work due to disruption, unless they could behave in yesterday's and today's class. Guess what happened. Great behavior? Nope - constant complaints, 12-year olds telling me I can't do this, requests to go "tell on me" to the principal, etc. One (useless) exemplary teacher told them to write their complaints down "but not in this class" - which caused several to whip out paper and pencil right then and there. By the end of class, I had the Assistant Principal in, who in no uncertain terms told them I had every right to give them detention for anything I wanted, and I didn't have to give them a reason or listen to arguments. That won't stop them from arguing, and some of my students have complained to me that the disruptive ones are keeping them from learning. But unless I get some sort of backup, other than talk, from above, it will just keep happening. Frustrating. Surely
On the weather side of things, Memphis has been blessed with three days of severe weather. We haven't lost power, and no trees or limbs down near us. But it is pretty soggy out there.
On the way back, usually several of them group at the cafeteria door instead of getting in line. When asked, they ignore me, talk back, or deliberately do the opposite. We have a bathroom break on the way back - they play and take inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. Once back in the room we have several types (and sometimes more than one of each type) of disrupters:
The Blurter - will say out loud whatever comes into his head. Sometimes will raise a hand to decoy me into calling on him, to get a question completely unrelated to the lesson. When told not to do this, gives either a loud, whiny "WHAT!?!" or starts in on how his parents told him to....etc.
The Disrespector - no matter how many times they are reminded of rules, they break them, and when reminded, usually express some sort of shock and make a comment or noise. Example - Please stop talking. "Ugh" "OMG" "RRRR" with a hand passed across the face and pulling at the mouth as if exerting some supernatural power not to speak, which they have already done.
The Disobedient - When given a consequence, such as a detention, this child announces loudly "I don't care", followed by "I'm not gonna go anyhow", which is answered by laughter from the rest of the class.
The Ignorer - No matter how many reminders, this child will just keep doing the behavior, whether it is talking, getting up for whatever reason, crouching in the seat with feet on the chair, writing a note to somebody, etc.
Now, this class has had the pleasure of visits from the guidance counselor (who has called multiple parents, as have I), the Assistant Principal, the Principal, several other teachers, all to let them know the score, and how to behave. To no avail. Yesterday I wrote on the dry erase board the day and time of a class-wide detention to make up the missed work due to disruption, unless they could behave in yesterday's and today's class. Guess what happened. Great behavior? Nope - constant complaints, 12-year olds telling me I can't do this, requests to go "tell on me" to the principal, etc. One (useless) exemplary teacher told them to write their complaints down "but not in this class" - which caused several to whip out paper and pencil right then and there. By the end of class, I had the Assistant Principal in, who in no uncertain terms told them I had every right to give them detention for anything I wanted, and I didn't have to give them a reason or listen to arguments. That won't stop them from arguing, and some of my students have complained to me that the disruptive ones are keeping them from learning. But unless I get some sort of backup, other than talk, from above, it will just keep happening. Frustrating. Surely
On the weather side of things, Memphis has been blessed with three days of severe weather. We haven't lost power, and no trees or limbs down near us. But it is pretty soggy out there.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Easter Musings
The day went pretty well, with a load of family at my (pregnant) sister-in-law's house up the street. She usually hosts, but this year we heated the ham at our place and everybody brought something to ease her burden. Turns out she went to the doctor yesterday (Catholic schools had the day off) and has an ear infection on top of everything. Fun. But on Sunday we all relaxed and watched a movie (RED).
Monday at school was less than I had expected. I have another strong week prepared, with squares, square roots and the Pythagorean Theorem - all 7th grade concepts (plus, unknown to the kids, homework from the 7th grade book). Most kids said it was easy, even though I held back calculators, which due to the square and square root buttons make this a trivial bit of homework. Lots of kids out, one rumored to have moved (go figure with 5 weeks of school left), and a mid-day tornado alert. Duck and cover. Maybe some of them won't come back today, as the weather is supposed to be just as bad.
Monday at school was less than I had expected. I have another strong week prepared, with squares, square roots and the Pythagorean Theorem - all 7th grade concepts (plus, unknown to the kids, homework from the 7th grade book). Most kids said it was easy, even though I held back calculators, which due to the square and square root buttons make this a trivial bit of homework. Lots of kids out, one rumored to have moved (go figure with 5 weeks of school left), and a mid-day tornado alert. Duck and cover. Maybe some of them won't come back today, as the weather is supposed to be just as bad.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Avoidance
I knew I hadn't been back here in a while, but to see my last post was Monday means I am slipping. Maybe subconsciously, dunno. Lots of interesting things going on in my life, thankfully nothing too major.
Therapist has put me on a less than weekly schedule now that I have shown some progress in not taking on the problems of others. Big high-five there. And I can tell when I am doing it, too. Still get frustrated, but at least I can allow the more rational part of my brain overrule the emotional, end-of-the-world panic part.
School was school. The principal observed me on Tuesday, and the class was well behaved, which meant my lesson didn't fill the whole class - I usually build in about 10 minutes for classroom management. Wednesday I took every class to the science lab for measuring shadows to find the height of an object. We would have gone outside, but it wasn't quite sunny enough for shadows. Again, I didn't stress when the kids didn't quite cooperate or do as much as I had hoped. Any progress is good progress. And the principal dropped in, and asked me to finish the paperwork from the day before so we can meet and discuss the observation. I think he was under time pressure, since Thursday he asked me to stop by before I left (which I had to exercise positive thinking) and we went over the observation. It was fine, made me more hopeful that things will go well in the next year.
On the family front, older daughter lost her job cooking at the Cheeburger Cheeburger in Brooklyn. Not her fault - it seems the owner/manager has been letting a lot of people go, to replace them with newer hires (not a money saving thing, since she was making minimum wage), but with her he never told her she was fired. She showed up to check her hours, had none, and then was told. She may have even worked a shift for them after they had "fired" her...pay is in dispute, but she has some native Brooklynites on the case. She has also fired off a very well written email to corporate headquarters, letting them know how this franchisee is affecting their brand image. Or her godmother's fiancee could explain it to them in a different sort of language - he is my age, over 6 feet and works for Sanitation. 'nuff said.
Easter tomorrow. Got a ham. Torn about attending Easter Vigil tonight, but will probably go, as I have a streak going that I don't really want to break over the current malaise in my life. Haven't missed a vigil since I converted, and next year I might feel much more positive about religion.
Therapist has put me on a less than weekly schedule now that I have shown some progress in not taking on the problems of others. Big high-five there. And I can tell when I am doing it, too. Still get frustrated, but at least I can allow the more rational part of my brain overrule the emotional, end-of-the-world panic part.
School was school. The principal observed me on Tuesday, and the class was well behaved, which meant my lesson didn't fill the whole class - I usually build in about 10 minutes for classroom management. Wednesday I took every class to the science lab for measuring shadows to find the height of an object. We would have gone outside, but it wasn't quite sunny enough for shadows. Again, I didn't stress when the kids didn't quite cooperate or do as much as I had hoped. Any progress is good progress. And the principal dropped in, and asked me to finish the paperwork from the day before so we can meet and discuss the observation. I think he was under time pressure, since Thursday he asked me to stop by before I left (which I had to exercise positive thinking) and we went over the observation. It was fine, made me more hopeful that things will go well in the next year.
On the family front, older daughter lost her job cooking at the Cheeburger Cheeburger in Brooklyn. Not her fault - it seems the owner/manager has been letting a lot of people go, to replace them with newer hires (not a money saving thing, since she was making minimum wage), but with her he never told her she was fired. She showed up to check her hours, had none, and then was told. She may have even worked a shift for them after they had "fired" her...pay is in dispute, but she has some native Brooklynites on the case. She has also fired off a very well written email to corporate headquarters, letting them know how this franchisee is affecting their brand image. Or her godmother's fiancee could explain it to them in a different sort of language - he is my age, over 6 feet and works for Sanitation. 'nuff said.
Easter tomorrow. Got a ham. Torn about attending Easter Vigil tonight, but will probably go, as I have a streak going that I don't really want to break over the current malaise in my life. Haven't missed a vigil since I converted, and next year I might feel much more positive about religion.
Monday, April 18, 2011
The Headache
Two days running now. Migraine strength pain relievers dent it, but nothing stops it, including the actual migraine pills the doctor hit me with. Pain is bad enough to make me nauseated, just want to lie down. Got some nice sweats with it, too. Cue Arnohld voice "it's not a toomah"
Day 1 of 4 this week. Lesson went passably well, except for one section where the internet crapped out and I couldn't show a particular video segment. Going to see if I can't download them on the PC so I can just play them (fullscreen) for the kids. And principal will be observing me at some point tomorrow, which means lesson plans, pre-observation writing, and then a post-observation reflection, and the inevitable summative, at which point I get to find out what the principal REALLY thinks of me. ooooh fun fun fun.
Now to lie down before I throw up.
Day 1 of 4 this week. Lesson went passably well, except for one section where the internet crapped out and I couldn't show a particular video segment. Going to see if I can't download them on the PC so I can just play them (fullscreen) for the kids. And principal will be observing me at some point tomorrow, which means lesson plans, pre-observation writing, and then a post-observation reflection, and the inevitable summative, at which point I get to find out what the principal REALLY thinks of me. ooooh fun fun fun.
Now to lie down before I throw up.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The Week in Recap
TCAP recap. heh. Standing, walking, looking over shoulders, shuttling tissues, picking up dropped papers and pencils. It takes a lot out of you. And the afternoons where the kids don't feel they need to learn or behave. And Friday, the worst, since the kids EXPECTED a party (even though the administration discouraged it, and like a little sheep I went along) but couldn't actually connect the concept to that of behavior. I was ready, though, to call my wife and have her swing by the Kroger and get $20 of drinks, chips, candy, etc. and bring them in before 2pm. But the kids were abominable. To the point where I have called several parents this weekend to ask their help in controlling their kids when they are in my class/homeroom. Yep, it is mainly my homeroom kids, acting out, talking constantly, talking back, then complaining because they "never get to do anything fun." Completely ignoring the fact that I have been urging them to create a coat-of-arms to qualify for a day out of school to attend a Memphis in May event. 100 kids will go from grades 6-8. I spelled out the rules, gave them the rubric so they could see how it would be scored and asked them to create a rough draft before I gave them the actual sheet to fill in. Half the kids lost the rubric/rules the first day. On Thursday when I finally gave them the crest, with smartboard outline so they could see what went where (because they didn't read the instructions), so many complained that they only had a day to do it....*ARGH* And then I think I got 4 or 5 out of a class of 25, few of which were what I would classify as "quality work." But they will go by default.
Decompressing over the weekend. Younger had Solo and Ensemble on Saturday morning, then we went to the Nature Center's annual plant sale (twice, as prices go to half after 2pm) and got an agave (yay tequila), two beautyberry trees, a Mexican sage, a black raspberry and a tomato plant (a weird dark red/black heirloom...fun stuff). Today was lazy day, with the usual chores, and prepping for the short week (Good Friday by default - at least I don't have to burn a personal day). Trying not to think ahead more than a day or so - eyes on the clock to quitting time - not thinking about the final observation/review/evaluation that probably won't happen for a while if at all (well, it HAS to happen, but I have low expectations). This week = short week. Next week is a "normal" week. The first week of May there are a couple of days where kids will be doing other things, such as a fund-raising carnival (think chaos) and the aforementioned trip to Memphis in May (which I would liked to have had more than half of my class attend, but alas, they do not cooperate). The week after that is my Jury Duty week (hopefully more than a day or two), then we are in the two-week cooldown to the end of it all. When I spell it out like this it doesn't sound half bad.
Deep breaths. Summer soon. Job hunt? Re-prepare for next year with lots more confidence and an actual plan? Time will tell.
Decompressing over the weekend. Younger had Solo and Ensemble on Saturday morning, then we went to the Nature Center's annual plant sale (twice, as prices go to half after 2pm) and got an agave (yay tequila), two beautyberry trees, a Mexican sage, a black raspberry and a tomato plant (a weird dark red/black heirloom...fun stuff). Today was lazy day, with the usual chores, and prepping for the short week (Good Friday by default - at least I don't have to burn a personal day). Trying not to think ahead more than a day or so - eyes on the clock to quitting time - not thinking about the final observation/review/evaluation that probably won't happen for a while if at all (well, it HAS to happen, but I have low expectations). This week = short week. Next week is a "normal" week. The first week of May there are a couple of days where kids will be doing other things, such as a fund-raising carnival (think chaos) and the aforementioned trip to Memphis in May (which I would liked to have had more than half of my class attend, but alas, they do not cooperate). The week after that is my Jury Duty week (hopefully more than a day or two), then we are in the two-week cooldown to the end of it all. When I spell it out like this it doesn't sound half bad.
Deep breaths. Summer soon. Job hunt? Re-prepare for next year with lots more confidence and an actual plan? Time will tell.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Proctor is "in"
If there is anything more boring than properly (stressing this word) proctoring an exam, I have yet to find it. According to the rules, I need to be on my feet, constantly moving around the room, making sure the kids don't bubble in the wrong areas, go farther (or back) in the book, not provide any help, not look at any of the questions, etc. It is tiring, since I literally change my spot every 2-3 minutes. And there is not much of anything to do. The kids do actually take it seriously, and mostly concentrate. But when they finish 10-15 minutes early, it is harder to instill a sense of community in them to be quiet and not fidget. In 6th grade they still haven't learned how to go back and re-read and check their answers, or they are just not responsible enough to care.
Two sections down - today is math. And the behavior in the afternoons is terrible, as they let off the pent up whatever from the restrained mornings. But with my mantra of "don't take this on as a personal problem" I am weathering things.
Trivia last night was again fun, but frustrating. Annoying team near us. Two players short. Still was in first before the final question, which we got right, but bet nothing and had two teams beat us by a single point. We will still definitely qualify for the tournament coming up in a couple of months.
Two sections down - today is math. And the behavior in the afternoons is terrible, as they let off the pent up whatever from the restrained mornings. But with my mantra of "don't take this on as a personal problem" I am weathering things.
Trivia last night was again fun, but frustrating. Annoying team near us. Two players short. Still was in first before the final question, which we got right, but bet nothing and had two teams beat us by a single point. We will still definitely qualify for the tournament coming up in a couple of months.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Mental Block
There was a weekend in there somewhere. A weekend with lots of errand running (none of it mine, but someone has a need to be accompanied), lawn work (which I still can't seem to complete without physical exhaustion) and getting ready for the week in school. Still shirking entering test/quiz grades, but everything else is in there. Maybe I will get caught up this week, with TCAP beginning today, following a wasteful day yesterday. Why have a "pep" rally for a test? It is just an excuse to get the kids riled up.
Also my morning routine has been slightly upset with a request for help on a project of the wife's. She is working on a knitting book, and for the past 2 months has asked me to write some of the instructions. I don't know how to knit, but have discovered that my math brain translates the patterns quite well, and I can do them rather quickly. The catch is, she never gave me any patterns until Saturday, then Monday asked me how many I had done. So I spent yesterday morning slogging through a few more, out of both guilt and a sense of responsibility, even though I recognize it is not really MY problem.
Today's goal - clear out a few lingering, easily and quickly done little things - like mailing in a couple of forms, calling my dad and granddad.
Also my morning routine has been slightly upset with a request for help on a project of the wife's. She is working on a knitting book, and for the past 2 months has asked me to write some of the instructions. I don't know how to knit, but have discovered that my math brain translates the patterns quite well, and I can do them rather quickly. The catch is, she never gave me any patterns until Saturday, then Monday asked me how many I had done. So I spent yesterday morning slogging through a few more, out of both guilt and a sense of responsibility, even though I recognize it is not really MY problem.
Today's goal - clear out a few lingering, easily and quickly done little things - like mailing in a couple of forms, calling my dad and granddad.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Finally
End of the week. Crazy-ish week. But just about over. Which is good, as I woke up with sinus congestion. Not the kind in my nose, the kind in my ears. Weather is warm and will be in the upper 80s, which is a precursor to a hot summer, fast.
I spent a good bit of yesterday reminding myself that my students' behavior is not my problem, it is theirs. Not taking ownership, and not feeling responsible was interesting, and I am actually sort of believing it. It certainly made a few things and behaviors easier to let go with a warning rather than trying to change it right then and there.
So there is today, which is Friday, which should be easy to coast through. Some papers to grade over the weekend, some grades to invent/input so the kids know where they stand. Then Monday is the calm before the four-day test, which is actually only mornings for four days, with the afternoons an eggshell walk to make sure you don't accidentally teach something that might be on the test, but not showing movies. A fine line, with the kids keyed up.
I spent a good bit of yesterday reminding myself that my students' behavior is not my problem, it is theirs. Not taking ownership, and not feeling responsible was interesting, and I am actually sort of believing it. It certainly made a few things and behaviors easier to let go with a warning rather than trying to change it right then and there.
So there is today, which is Friday, which should be easy to coast through. Some papers to grade over the weekend, some grades to invent/input so the kids know where they stand. Then Monday is the calm before the four-day test, which is actually only mornings for four days, with the afternoons an eggshell walk to make sure you don't accidentally teach something that might be on the test, but not showing movies. A fine line, with the kids keyed up.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Less Crazy is not the same as Not Crazy
Today was better, thanks to some helpful advice and perspective from my new therapist (who was told by Cigna that I had canceled my policy with them, which is patently untrue, just another ploy to keep from paying legitimate claims). Plus the fact that the middle school has had several fights this week and a healthy handful of my problem students are cooling their heels until TCAP.
And from the stories from my teacher friends at trivia, the whole system has had fights. I think it is spring, it is the stress of test anticipation, it is all kinds of things. Just that time of year, that stage of development etc.
And once that test is over, chaos will reign. Thankfully, that week will be a short one (Good Friday), and then begins the countdown to jury duty and the end of school. Which is a smoother thing than in the city - kids end on Thursday, teachers on Friday instead of bringing us back after Memorial Day. And most kids will have stopped coming to school that week, anyhow.
And from the stories from my teacher friends at trivia, the whole system has had fights. I think it is spring, it is the stress of test anticipation, it is all kinds of things. Just that time of year, that stage of development etc.
And once that test is over, chaos will reign. Thankfully, that week will be a short one (Good Friday), and then begins the countdown to jury duty and the end of school. Which is a smoother thing than in the city - kids end on Thursday, teachers on Friday instead of bringing us back after Memorial Day. And most kids will have stopped coming to school that week, anyhow.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Not lost
Just tired. Way way tired. Yesterday was another "interesting" day as we got to herd our students into the halls to assume the position for a tornado (which touched down less than a mile away). Which led to another near mutiny in my worst class, that missed a test last week and then had a shortened class today. Working really hard on not taking it all personally - small goals, small victories.
And here we are, less than a week from the BIG TEST. I don't care much, which is actually a positive development. I will do what I can. And not worry about what I have no control over - student behavior (unless it becomes dangerous), school politics, government intrusion. Beyond that, smooth sailing.
Lots of trees down from yesterday, some people still without power. Not us for a change, though.
Did I mention worn out? I actually sat down a couple of times today because I didn't have the strength to stay standing. I think my stress meter is stuck on high, and it is burning out the energy from my body.
And here we are, less than a week from the BIG TEST. I don't care much, which is actually a positive development. I will do what I can. And not worry about what I have no control over - student behavior (unless it becomes dangerous), school politics, government intrusion. Beyond that, smooth sailing.
Lots of trees down from yesterday, some people still without power. Not us for a change, though.
Did I mention worn out? I actually sat down a couple of times today because I didn't have the strength to stay standing. I think my stress meter is stuck on high, and it is burning out the energy from my body.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Crazy Day
And lazy, too. Nice weather, but wasn't outside too much. Spent a nice lunch with most of the women of the family, including 4 week old Scarlet. She slept. Then to the AT&T store to add my mother in law to our plan, since it will save her money over getting her own contract. And while there we also got me a soon-to-be obsolete 3G iPhone. The salesperson was great, though, and I get a 15% discount on my service (I think for the whole contract) for being a teacher with the county. So it was kind of a financial wash.
Youngest got her hair cut and straightened. Oldest (in NYC) took the color out of the front of her hair, then dyed it blue, but forgot some important steps and blued her face, too. Oops. As far as my hair, still smoothing my head, trimmed the beard some.
Looks like Monday I will talk with the Principal and eat a little crow. Don't think I will get him to believe it was a very well acted and elaborate April Fool's prank.
Youngest got her hair cut and straightened. Oldest (in NYC) took the color out of the front of her hair, then dyed it blue, but forgot some important steps and blued her face, too. Oops. As far as my hair, still smoothing my head, trimmed the beard some.
Looks like Monday I will talk with the Principal and eat a little crow. Don't think I will get him to believe it was a very well acted and elaborate April Fool's prank.
Friday, April 1, 2011
I Went and Did it
After nearly a full week, I went and lost my mind during my most challenging class - the nightmare after lunch. I have one kid who is a tattletale (I need to go tell on you to Mr. Bates), another who can't shut up (whose parents were in this week, but who let slip today he doesn't/can't live with his mom), one who is so hyperactive he can't stay in his seat, but can't quite fathom why I have a problem with that, one who is flamboyant but whose mother doesn't want him to be around girls, one who is overly aggressive and lies to her parents, even in conferences with teachers...the list goes on and on. They punch my buttons, and I feel bad for the six or seven who are really there to learn.
Anyhow, today I just got so fed up, after having the guidance counselor speak to them more than 3 times, the police officer just talked to them on Monday, and today they wasted nearly the whole period on chatter - one would start and kick-start three others who prompted another bunch to chime in...etc. I tossed my badge on a table and threw open the door, saw an administrator down the hall and told her to look after my class, and I might be back later to claim my badge.
This led to some cooling off time in the office and about an hour with the principal talking about my shortcomings (most of which I knew), some scuttlebut from adults on the hall (which was patently false), and a request that I take the weekend to chill out and think about my next steps. Which were clear to me - stick out the next six weeks then never come back.
Then I ran into a teacher I admire and trust. And she does the same to me. Plus she is on WAY more anti-depressants than I am. And we chatted a bit, then went into a classroom with two of the other white male teachers and they filled me in on how many times they lost it in their first year, kicking desks, etc. Which made me feel a lot less alone, and outside of everything. And they were open and honest in a way that most teachers aren't, and it was a nice sort of fellowship - a place where I feel welcome and can get good advice. Including the fact that first-year teachers don't usually get let go - the policy is to give them a second chance, at least. So I won't be fired, even if I am not a fit. So I should stay put and make the best of things for at least another year. Since the state legislature just passed an increase in the tenure period, I don't know if that is 2 more or 4 more years of staying put, but these friends also told me I don't have to go back to school for a High School Math endorsement. I just have to pass the Praxis, which for me should be about as easy as having a panic attack.
So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. From a stable week to a nightmare, to a resolution, all in a short day.
Anyhow, today I just got so fed up, after having the guidance counselor speak to them more than 3 times, the police officer just talked to them on Monday, and today they wasted nearly the whole period on chatter - one would start and kick-start three others who prompted another bunch to chime in...etc. I tossed my badge on a table and threw open the door, saw an administrator down the hall and told her to look after my class, and I might be back later to claim my badge.
This led to some cooling off time in the office and about an hour with the principal talking about my shortcomings (most of which I knew), some scuttlebut from adults on the hall (which was patently false), and a request that I take the weekend to chill out and think about my next steps. Which were clear to me - stick out the next six weeks then never come back.
Then I ran into a teacher I admire and trust. And she does the same to me. Plus she is on WAY more anti-depressants than I am. And we chatted a bit, then went into a classroom with two of the other white male teachers and they filled me in on how many times they lost it in their first year, kicking desks, etc. Which made me feel a lot less alone, and outside of everything. And they were open and honest in a way that most teachers aren't, and it was a nice sort of fellowship - a place where I feel welcome and can get good advice. Including the fact that first-year teachers don't usually get let go - the policy is to give them a second chance, at least. So I won't be fired, even if I am not a fit. So I should stay put and make the best of things for at least another year. Since the state legislature just passed an increase in the tenure period, I don't know if that is 2 more or 4 more years of staying put, but these friends also told me I don't have to go back to school for a High School Math endorsement. I just have to pass the Praxis, which for me should be about as easy as having a panic attack.
So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. From a stable week to a nightmare, to a resolution, all in a short day.
It Just Doesn't Matter
Looks like I will get an entire week out of my "I don't care" phase, at least. Still not getting my buttons pushed by students who try to act adult, disrupt, talk, not follow directions or generally just be the asshats I have come to expect. Today is planned - mini-tests with TCAP review on the smartboard - some of which we experimented with yesterday.
Yesterday, though, was the bombshell. Meeting during our planning period to discuss the latest test data. Mind you, these tests were given 6 weeks ago. We were originally told to give them as paper tests, to get the kids used to bubbling in answers (really!), but the paper tests arrived too late. We teachers looked at the data the day after the test was finalized, but the administration waited until less than 2 weeks before the test to share with us their plans. Basically, they have decided that the achievement gap is close enough in Reading/Language Arts to warrant a heavy 6-day push on "bubble kids" who are near to Proficient. As far as Math goes, last year only 16% scored Proficient or higher (a statistic I am hearing for the FIRST TIME), and the goal is 39%, so there is no reason to try to move that needle.
I am dumbfounded. I have been driving myself into a nervous breakdown trying to prepare these kids, despite obstacles in their prior knowledge, behavior and attitude. I put a huge burden on myself and now, six days before the big test, I am told not only that the goal was probably impossible from the start, but they are not even going to focus on Math. Why was I bothering? At least now the pressure is off - even a single point gain will be significant - and you can be damn sure I will take the credit. But if there is no gain, or a drop, I shouldn't be accountable, although state law disagrees and I will still be responsible (to the tune of half of my evaluation).
I have been hearing my same feelings about discipline voiced by others in the building, especially in the Middle School - teachers with a decade of experience who can manage things. They are having disobedience, disrespect, outright defiance. And the pattern seems to be - This is an elementary school (hence the name) with 6th, 7th and 8th grades. The administration wants the middle school to be lambs like the lower grades. They don't want to implement a different policy, different rules and different consequences than the little ones. And that won't work. And it isn't working. But with a first year principal, following two other one-year principals, his mind is on his job - mainly keeping it. Which means keeping office referrals down, suspensions down (since they are reported to the board) and parents happy. Which means throwing teachers to the wolves if it makes the parents happy, or returning discipline problems to the classroom, or sending them to in-school-suspension for a day, rather than a meaningful out-of-school suspension. And the kids are aware of it, and take advantage of it.
Yesterday, though, was the bombshell. Meeting during our planning period to discuss the latest test data. Mind you, these tests were given 6 weeks ago. We were originally told to give them as paper tests, to get the kids used to bubbling in answers (really!), but the paper tests arrived too late. We teachers looked at the data the day after the test was finalized, but the administration waited until less than 2 weeks before the test to share with us their plans. Basically, they have decided that the achievement gap is close enough in Reading/Language Arts to warrant a heavy 6-day push on "bubble kids" who are near to Proficient. As far as Math goes, last year only 16% scored Proficient or higher (a statistic I am hearing for the FIRST TIME), and the goal is 39%, so there is no reason to try to move that needle.
I am dumbfounded. I have been driving myself into a nervous breakdown trying to prepare these kids, despite obstacles in their prior knowledge, behavior and attitude. I put a huge burden on myself and now, six days before the big test, I am told not only that the goal was probably impossible from the start, but they are not even going to focus on Math. Why was I bothering? At least now the pressure is off - even a single point gain will be significant - and you can be damn sure I will take the credit. But if there is no gain, or a drop, I shouldn't be accountable, although state law disagrees and I will still be responsible (to the tune of half of my evaluation).
I have been hearing my same feelings about discipline voiced by others in the building, especially in the Middle School - teachers with a decade of experience who can manage things. They are having disobedience, disrespect, outright defiance. And the pattern seems to be - This is an elementary school (hence the name) with 6th, 7th and 8th grades. The administration wants the middle school to be lambs like the lower grades. They don't want to implement a different policy, different rules and different consequences than the little ones. And that won't work. And it isn't working. But with a first year principal, following two other one-year principals, his mind is on his job - mainly keeping it. Which means keeping office referrals down, suspensions down (since they are reported to the board) and parents happy. Which means throwing teachers to the wolves if it makes the parents happy, or returning discipline problems to the classroom, or sending them to in-school-suspension for a day, rather than a meaningful out-of-school suspension. And the kids are aware of it, and take advantage of it.
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