Today was a doozy. Up early and had blood drawn for the pre-diabetes study. They didn't call me, so I guess my blood sugar was still below official diabetes level, although last time it was in the pre- stage. Then off to my new job!
Small company with basically four employees, including wife and myself. She will be full-time quickly, while I am on a one month contract, which will be upgraded to full-time if we land business. I am a right hand man. I do research to facilitate proposals to government agencies which result in grants. Sometimes, as have happened in the past, money is literally thrown at the company to spend before the end of a budget period. Other times money is up for grabs based on a brief proposal, or a series of longer proposals.
Meanwhile, I felt really lousy after leaving the office (good thing I wasn't driving). Nausea and lingering deja vu (which is never a good thing for me) - frequent feelings of having dreamed things the night before. Not meaningful things, either, just random images, or memories. Laid down before my therapist visit, and didn't feel much better. Came home and had some dinner and felt much better.
Then out of the blue, just mousing around the internet it all hit. One image triggered another in my mind, which cascaded into an avalanche of memory-dump. Thrashing and moaning, enough to startle the dogs from the other side of the house and bring my daughter in to see what was the matter, or if she could help. Even now, 30 minutes later I am shaky, and don't really remember much of the attack. Panic is not fun, and it is definitely draining. Time for bed, I think.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The Chapter Ends
The week went quickly in hindsight, and was predictably uneventful. Fewer kids day by day, with Wednesday as the "end of school party day." Thursday I think each homeroom had about 8 or 9 kids, so the day was relaxing and I just showed movies.
Friday was dull. I had everything packed up, and my checklist all complete by Thursday, so I just sat and read while I waited for our grade's time to roll around. Then the only frustration of the day - I can't turn in my computer to the tech person, but have to wait on the principal. Confided in a few more people about my situation - it appears I was not the only late-hired, older white male math teacher in the middle school to not be renewed - the 7th grade teacher isn't going back, either.
Nice long weekend with younger daughter at a friend's grandparent's house on a lake. Doing some movie watching, just relaxing, getting my head around the idea that I am not teaching any more. Cleaned out some books that would have been useful to teach middle school math - keeping the high school (Advanced Algebra and Pre-Calculus) for the off-chance I return to teaching and go for the upper grades. I am nervous about Tuesday, staring in an office job that is for June, but may extend into a full-time spot. I am anxious because of my track record lately, but slowly coming to the realization that I was trying to be happy in a job that I wasn't happy doing. Now I can start with a clean slate, small office, learning the routine and being generally helpful and growing into a useful "right-hand-man"...whee.
Friday was dull. I had everything packed up, and my checklist all complete by Thursday, so I just sat and read while I waited for our grade's time to roll around. Then the only frustration of the day - I can't turn in my computer to the tech person, but have to wait on the principal. Confided in a few more people about my situation - it appears I was not the only late-hired, older white male math teacher in the middle school to not be renewed - the 7th grade teacher isn't going back, either.
Nice long weekend with younger daughter at a friend's grandparent's house on a lake. Doing some movie watching, just relaxing, getting my head around the idea that I am not teaching any more. Cleaned out some books that would have been useful to teach middle school math - keeping the high school (Advanced Algebra and Pre-Calculus) for the off-chance I return to teaching and go for the upper grades. I am nervous about Tuesday, staring in an office job that is for June, but may extend into a full-time spot. I am anxious because of my track record lately, but slowly coming to the realization that I was trying to be happy in a job that I wasn't happy doing. Now I can start with a clean slate, small office, learning the routine and being generally helpful and growing into a useful "right-hand-man"...whee.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
The End is in Sight
Hard to do much when the day gets scrambled. Field day was actually a success, mainly because the kids who couldn't behave were not allowed to go. Sportsmanship, cheering but no booing, and fun. As a sort of reward I showed more movies in the afternoon and the kids did fine with that. Administration might frown, but who cares at this point. Friday should have been a "normal" day, but the homeroom (not mine) that won field day had to compete in the afternoon against the 7th and 8th grade winners, so we were back in homeroom again. I grabbed Akela and the Bee from the library, and again we had mostly well behaved little monsters.
At home we have a cardinal that has built a nest in the rose bush/tree next to the carport. The stem she built it on sags some, but is plenty high enough. I feel bad today, as it is raining, but I can see her tail feathers and bright orange beak in there. Of course, I am sure animals don't think of the rain like we do - they are adapted to shed water and maybe even welcome it for a drink while stuck in the nest. Rain is also good for the plants that have been put in the ground. The fig tree from last year is now about waist high and growing well. The two beautyberry trees are established and showing new growth (and no longer require daily or twice daily hosings), and the black raspberry went in yesterday morning and should do really well.
Yesterday was a nice change - teaching to a receptive audience. There were 25 people signed up but I only had 10 show up, and two were not on my original list, for the GRE GMAT prep. Naturally there was some sort of mixup and the classroom was double booked. Since I didn't book it, and it is the regular classroom for this session (AND because I had an email confirming it, that was also sent to the students) the other instructor moved to a different location.
Oh, and there was NO RAPTURE. Go figure.
There is part-time summer job in the offing, working with a cousin-in-law who is a lawyer, who has a company with a computer software techie. I will be writing a bunch of SBIR grant proposals and generally helping organize things. If things go well it could be the new job, but trying not to think about it too much at this early stage.
At home we have a cardinal that has built a nest in the rose bush/tree next to the carport. The stem she built it on sags some, but is plenty high enough. I feel bad today, as it is raining, but I can see her tail feathers and bright orange beak in there. Of course, I am sure animals don't think of the rain like we do - they are adapted to shed water and maybe even welcome it for a drink while stuck in the nest. Rain is also good for the plants that have been put in the ground. The fig tree from last year is now about waist high and growing well. The two beautyberry trees are established and showing new growth (and no longer require daily or twice daily hosings), and the black raspberry went in yesterday morning and should do really well.
Yesterday was a nice change - teaching to a receptive audience. There were 25 people signed up but I only had 10 show up, and two were not on my original list, for the GRE GMAT prep. Naturally there was some sort of mixup and the classroom was double booked. Since I didn't book it, and it is the regular classroom for this session (AND because I had an email confirming it, that was also sent to the students) the other instructor moved to a different location.
Oh, and there was NO RAPTURE. Go figure.
There is part-time summer job in the offing, working with a cousin-in-law who is a lawyer, who has a company with a computer software techie. I will be writing a bunch of SBIR grant proposals and generally helping organize things. If things go well it could be the new job, but trying not to think about it too much at this early stage.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Nothing Special
The week in the classroom has been an exercise in treading water. We have an extra period to teach (actually babysit) since the elective teachers (art, PE, music) are helping with the various grades' field days. So we have watched Princess Bride over two mornings, and today, with a schoolwide picnic I showed two movies, one before and one after lunch.
For my regular classes, they can play a math game or two, which is not too pressing, or if they act like little shits they can complete, without a calculator, some prerequisite skills for 7th grade. Two classes so far have fallen to this level. Hopefully tomorrow some of the real problems will get the hint and start staying home. It being OUR field day, the morning is all about getting sweaty, and the afternoon will be all about trying to calm down and sit still - I am hoping many parents will just pick up their kids early. And, as above, hoping that for most of my kids, Field Day will be the mental conclusion to the year, and they will just stop coming.
Not to say today was bad, because it wasn't. But by the time I got to trivia, my mood had gone from apathetic to morose. And it didn't improve. I felt outside the group tonight, and it is the old chicken/egg question. Was I outside because I was depressed, or am I depressed because I felt outside? I can't even put a finger on the cause - just too tired to think about it.
For my regular classes, they can play a math game or two, which is not too pressing, or if they act like little shits they can complete, without a calculator, some prerequisite skills for 7th grade. Two classes so far have fallen to this level. Hopefully tomorrow some of the real problems will get the hint and start staying home. It being OUR field day, the morning is all about getting sweaty, and the afternoon will be all about trying to calm down and sit still - I am hoping many parents will just pick up their kids early. And, as above, hoping that for most of my kids, Field Day will be the mental conclusion to the year, and they will just stop coming.
Not to say today was bad, because it wasn't. But by the time I got to trivia, my mood had gone from apathetic to morose. And it didn't improve. I felt outside the group tonight, and it is the old chicken/egg question. Was I outside because I was depressed, or am I depressed because I felt outside? I can't even put a finger on the cause - just too tired to think about it.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Pre-Dawn Doubts
Nothing like a night of terrible sleep, which has been happening more and more lately, joined by a bird outside, possibly a dove or something (coo coo is close to whoo whoo, but owls are not likely), the ceiling fan over-cooling me (I get no choice in the matter, regardless of the sub 60 temperature outside) - well, the gremlins of self-doubt came calling for an extended session of self-reflection, recrimination and just all around paranoia. Nice restful combination.
First things first. I am no longer a teacher. I chose this path thinking it would be rewarding to me, but if that is true the rewards are too far down the line to help me cope with the day to day frustrations. I stuck with Ridgeway Middle out of stubbornness, need to complete 5 years at one school to absolve my student loans, and fear that moving anywhere else would be worse. None of these reasons were good (except maybe the 2nd one). I was a good teacher, and I was growing in understanding the student mind-set. There were some good and trustworthy people around me, but there were more people who had their own agenda, which I didn't fit into. I have never been good at reading people - I like things spelled out for me, and human motivation has too many nuances and fluctuates too much for me to comprehend. And when I think I have it, I am way off base. So I tend to just keep my head down and let others' machinations play out. So at Ridgeway I existed, but I didn't thrive. I could have left on my own terms - in fact I would probably have left at the end of that school year in any case.
Enter mis-judgment. A school that drops 2 long-standing teachers over the Christmas break should throw up multiple red-flags to a prospective teacher. Not only did I ignore them (willfully), but I jumped from the City Schools in the middle of the year (well, actually with no notice), burning the bridge behind me. No going back, although I probably wouldn't have considered it. Going forward it may be obvious to everyone but me, save in hindsight, that I was under a microscope from day 1. There were parents with hidden agendas, who wanted the school to be more like other, more prestigious private and parochial schools. I sabotaged myself by trying to be "cool" and likeable to the students, some of whom were only at the school because it was the only one that would take them after failing to behave at multiple others. 8th graders who are in their first year at a new school have no history, no drive to behave, and don't recognize many consequences. And behind all this, the principal was being railroaded out by the shadow council of parents and pastor. I definitely made mistakes, but everyone does, coming into a new school, especially in the middle of a school year. Those first weeks were like being a substitute, and there was no system in place for me to learn. The teacher who was supposed to show me the ropes was so hands off I never knew there were assessments for the teaching of Confirmation. I was hung out to dry by her, and she is still there (having taught my wife decades ago), while other more modern and capable teachers are not. I will say it again - I made mistakes and bad decisions, so I bear some responsibility. But not all, and even if I had not made the mistakes (nobody is perfect, and you would think a Catholic school would hold a little with forgiveness), I think I would have been forced out. Still, I have trouble not blaming myself, even in a no-win situation. The whole experience shook my faith in myself as a teacher, my faith in the leaders of my parish, both religious and lay (the parents in power are also powerful members of the parish - fund-raisers, etc.) It makes it hard to go to church, and harder to stand in front of them and perform as a lector. Another year, since this year the school requires tithing as a member of the parish (which we have been for 10 years) to qualify for in-parish tuition.
With all this rocking my world, I questioned remaining a teacher. I spent several weeks searching for non-teaching jobs with very little success. My trivia team, who all have experience in the County schools, convinced me that I was a good teacher and should not give up. Problem was, I was well behind the hiring curve, so when I was offered a spot at a school that I was not overjoyed with, I took it. I had my doubts, and would have preferred not to have been offered the job, to be honest. But I needed a paycheck, and any job was better than no job. Naturally, several other things came up within weeks of starting, but that is water under the bridge. So I convinced myself that it couldn't be too bad, and I embraced all the good differences the County offered. I tried to ignore the warning signs that this school was almost exactly like Ridgeway Middle, right down to some of the Ridgeway students who had faked new addresses to attend. The school was in its second year of being K-8, instead of 6-8. The staff was still recovering from this switch, with many teachers in grades they did not prefer, and with few staff able to transfer out to other schools, despite seniority. The principal was brand new, the third in three years, and I now (not at the time) discover he moved from guidance to principal, never taught in a classroom, never had to manage a classroom of middle school students daily - but had the "luxury" of only dealing with the problems one-on-one. Again, I made some mistakes. Again, I started out tentatively, like a substitute teacher. And again, it seems there was a hidden agenda. Looking back, the writing was on the wall before the end of the calendar year. I had a meeting with the principal and assistant principal and was told my voice carries, and I was too loud. During a problem with my classroom door, where it would not open, locking my class out at dismissal, I asked a student to move to the back of a line several times, then took him by the arm, which was cited as a no-no. Never EVER touch the students (sub-text: White man). All of this after just 3 months. Tongues were wagging on the hall, and two of my grade level teachers, one being the grade chair, were so unsupportive that when I asked a procedural question about giving a standardized test, they laughed at me rather than give me the information. They would sabotage me by holding back information then watch me struggle with or over-exert myself to perform a task. And then they would inform the principal of my difficulties.
When I finally lost my composure and tossed my badge on the desk, after appealing to the guidance counselor, my exemplary teacher (sort of the mentor for all teachers), my assistant principal (who was in and out all year for National Guard duties), my grade level teachers...the principal chided me for not asking for help. His open door policy meant that I should have come to talk about anything at all. So I opened up to him and the exemplary teacher - said what I felt and doubted and worried about. Expressed that I wasn't sure there was a fit with me and the school, or maybe with teaching. Talked honestly about my frustrations, and the lack of student response to different classroom management strategies. Again, I missed the writing on the wall, as the principal talked about having to make tough decisions that don't just affect a person, but a family. As he talked about the possibility of me going back to the City schools. As he mentioned, in a sideways fashion, some of his concerns - but never directly. A lot of this conversation got repeated during my meeting to inform me of his recommendation to not renew me.
Was I on the way out before I even began again? Possibly. Did other people, teachers, parents, custodians, influence the principal without him making his own observations? Definitely. Did the principal talk to others who have been in my classroom, such as my mentor teacher, my co-teacher and teaching aide, other teachers on my hall, etc.? No, never. I think (but still don't feel - and we will come back to that in a moment) the principal regretted hiring me and had opposition from my two grade teachers. As a new teacher, I was bound to the school for three years and could not transfer. Since the school was never over capacity, he could not get rid of me through surplussing. His only choice was to end my career, rather than help to make me a better teacher, if that was ever an option. That was always the message in the new-teacher meetings, but in his review he considered me a seasoned teacher and used that against me, while the rest of the system treated me like a wet-behind-the-ears novice. Convenient.
So, in my mind I can see I was doomed, maybe from the start. I have doubts about whether I should have taken the job in the first place. In a way it is good that I didn't have to make the call, but it was made for me. But in my heart, in my emotional core, it is another personal failure, on top of another one last year. The pattern repeats. And I am the common factor. I might be able to work past that, if only I can start to believe my own lies/truths. I need to accept that I am a good person, a good teacher, and believe myself over these external powers-that-be who review and rate me. I have to ignore "evidence" that contradicts what I want to believe, which is what got me in trouble in the first place, by ignoring evidence that I didn't belong, or was being railroaded. And I need to believe it enough to convince somebody to give me a job even though my resume looks like I am damaged goods, leaving or being left by 3 jobs in 18 months. It will be hard to explain - especially since I would rather just be honest, which won't be believed.
These next few months are going to be a huge challenge.
First things first. I am no longer a teacher. I chose this path thinking it would be rewarding to me, but if that is true the rewards are too far down the line to help me cope with the day to day frustrations. I stuck with Ridgeway Middle out of stubbornness, need to complete 5 years at one school to absolve my student loans, and fear that moving anywhere else would be worse. None of these reasons were good (except maybe the 2nd one). I was a good teacher, and I was growing in understanding the student mind-set. There were some good and trustworthy people around me, but there were more people who had their own agenda, which I didn't fit into. I have never been good at reading people - I like things spelled out for me, and human motivation has too many nuances and fluctuates too much for me to comprehend. And when I think I have it, I am way off base. So I tend to just keep my head down and let others' machinations play out. So at Ridgeway I existed, but I didn't thrive. I could have left on my own terms - in fact I would probably have left at the end of that school year in any case.
Enter mis-judgment. A school that drops 2 long-standing teachers over the Christmas break should throw up multiple red-flags to a prospective teacher. Not only did I ignore them (willfully), but I jumped from the City Schools in the middle of the year (well, actually with no notice), burning the bridge behind me. No going back, although I probably wouldn't have considered it. Going forward it may be obvious to everyone but me, save in hindsight, that I was under a microscope from day 1. There were parents with hidden agendas, who wanted the school to be more like other, more prestigious private and parochial schools. I sabotaged myself by trying to be "cool" and likeable to the students, some of whom were only at the school because it was the only one that would take them after failing to behave at multiple others. 8th graders who are in their first year at a new school have no history, no drive to behave, and don't recognize many consequences. And behind all this, the principal was being railroaded out by the shadow council of parents and pastor. I definitely made mistakes, but everyone does, coming into a new school, especially in the middle of a school year. Those first weeks were like being a substitute, and there was no system in place for me to learn. The teacher who was supposed to show me the ropes was so hands off I never knew there were assessments for the teaching of Confirmation. I was hung out to dry by her, and she is still there (having taught my wife decades ago), while other more modern and capable teachers are not. I will say it again - I made mistakes and bad decisions, so I bear some responsibility. But not all, and even if I had not made the mistakes (nobody is perfect, and you would think a Catholic school would hold a little with forgiveness), I think I would have been forced out. Still, I have trouble not blaming myself, even in a no-win situation. The whole experience shook my faith in myself as a teacher, my faith in the leaders of my parish, both religious and lay (the parents in power are also powerful members of the parish - fund-raisers, etc.) It makes it hard to go to church, and harder to stand in front of them and perform as a lector. Another year, since this year the school requires tithing as a member of the parish (which we have been for 10 years) to qualify for in-parish tuition.
With all this rocking my world, I questioned remaining a teacher. I spent several weeks searching for non-teaching jobs with very little success. My trivia team, who all have experience in the County schools, convinced me that I was a good teacher and should not give up. Problem was, I was well behind the hiring curve, so when I was offered a spot at a school that I was not overjoyed with, I took it. I had my doubts, and would have preferred not to have been offered the job, to be honest. But I needed a paycheck, and any job was better than no job. Naturally, several other things came up within weeks of starting, but that is water under the bridge. So I convinced myself that it couldn't be too bad, and I embraced all the good differences the County offered. I tried to ignore the warning signs that this school was almost exactly like Ridgeway Middle, right down to some of the Ridgeway students who had faked new addresses to attend. The school was in its second year of being K-8, instead of 6-8. The staff was still recovering from this switch, with many teachers in grades they did not prefer, and with few staff able to transfer out to other schools, despite seniority. The principal was brand new, the third in three years, and I now (not at the time) discover he moved from guidance to principal, never taught in a classroom, never had to manage a classroom of middle school students daily - but had the "luxury" of only dealing with the problems one-on-one. Again, I made some mistakes. Again, I started out tentatively, like a substitute teacher. And again, it seems there was a hidden agenda. Looking back, the writing was on the wall before the end of the calendar year. I had a meeting with the principal and assistant principal and was told my voice carries, and I was too loud. During a problem with my classroom door, where it would not open, locking my class out at dismissal, I asked a student to move to the back of a line several times, then took him by the arm, which was cited as a no-no. Never EVER touch the students (sub-text: White man). All of this after just 3 months. Tongues were wagging on the hall, and two of my grade level teachers, one being the grade chair, were so unsupportive that when I asked a procedural question about giving a standardized test, they laughed at me rather than give me the information. They would sabotage me by holding back information then watch me struggle with or over-exert myself to perform a task. And then they would inform the principal of my difficulties.
When I finally lost my composure and tossed my badge on the desk, after appealing to the guidance counselor, my exemplary teacher (sort of the mentor for all teachers), my assistant principal (who was in and out all year for National Guard duties), my grade level teachers...the principal chided me for not asking for help. His open door policy meant that I should have come to talk about anything at all. So I opened up to him and the exemplary teacher - said what I felt and doubted and worried about. Expressed that I wasn't sure there was a fit with me and the school, or maybe with teaching. Talked honestly about my frustrations, and the lack of student response to different classroom management strategies. Again, I missed the writing on the wall, as the principal talked about having to make tough decisions that don't just affect a person, but a family. As he talked about the possibility of me going back to the City schools. As he mentioned, in a sideways fashion, some of his concerns - but never directly. A lot of this conversation got repeated during my meeting to inform me of his recommendation to not renew me.
Was I on the way out before I even began again? Possibly. Did other people, teachers, parents, custodians, influence the principal without him making his own observations? Definitely. Did the principal talk to others who have been in my classroom, such as my mentor teacher, my co-teacher and teaching aide, other teachers on my hall, etc.? No, never. I think (but still don't feel - and we will come back to that in a moment) the principal regretted hiring me and had opposition from my two grade teachers. As a new teacher, I was bound to the school for three years and could not transfer. Since the school was never over capacity, he could not get rid of me through surplussing. His only choice was to end my career, rather than help to make me a better teacher, if that was ever an option. That was always the message in the new-teacher meetings, but in his review he considered me a seasoned teacher and used that against me, while the rest of the system treated me like a wet-behind-the-ears novice. Convenient.
So, in my mind I can see I was doomed, maybe from the start. I have doubts about whether I should have taken the job in the first place. In a way it is good that I didn't have to make the call, but it was made for me. But in my heart, in my emotional core, it is another personal failure, on top of another one last year. The pattern repeats. And I am the common factor. I might be able to work past that, if only I can start to believe my own lies/truths. I need to accept that I am a good person, a good teacher, and believe myself over these external powers-that-be who review and rate me. I have to ignore "evidence" that contradicts what I want to believe, which is what got me in trouble in the first place, by ignoring evidence that I didn't belong, or was being railroaded. And I need to believe it enough to convince somebody to give me a job even though my resume looks like I am damaged goods, leaving or being left by 3 jobs in 18 months. It will be hard to explain - especially since I would rather just be honest, which won't be believed.
These next few months are going to be a huge challenge.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
It's Official
Got the official letter informing me I won't be re-hired with Shelby County Schools for the 2011-12 year. And since the cc: says "personnel file" I will just assume that I won't be hired back for any other years, either. On the good side, I "passed" my teller aptitude test with Region's Bank, and wife had lunch with a cousin-in-law who will be hiring her part-time (for the time being) at his two lawyer office.
Teaching is hard these last few days of the year. I want to teach, and I want the kids to learn, but their heads are not in the classroom. Thankfully, many have told me they won't be coming to school the last week. By the calendar, there are 9 days left for students. This week includes a Field Day on Thursday (which means many kids won't come on Friday - as to them, this is the only reason to NOT stop coming to school), and no elective classes, such as Phys Ed or Art all week. Which means an extra hour with my homeroom every morning. Looks like movie time to me. I have no clue what I will try to get the kids to do during our regular class times - I can't show movies all week (and in fact, if I cared, I would probably be worried about getting in trouble for showing them during that first hour...).
This coming Saturday will be part 1 of my 2 part GRE prep at Christian Brothers University. Got the class list, 25 students, which means I should prepare for 30. Which really means running off a total of 30 copies of the packets, only two of which are needed for the first session.
Working the side yard lately on my yardwork/workout. Getting a nice spot cleared of sapling trees to plant a black raspberry, plus pulling up as much bamboo from the next yard without actually killing myself doing it. It was easier when I was younger, but that is probably also because I was actually in shape, not like now.
Teaching is hard these last few days of the year. I want to teach, and I want the kids to learn, but their heads are not in the classroom. Thankfully, many have told me they won't be coming to school the last week. By the calendar, there are 9 days left for students. This week includes a Field Day on Thursday (which means many kids won't come on Friday - as to them, this is the only reason to NOT stop coming to school), and no elective classes, such as Phys Ed or Art all week. Which means an extra hour with my homeroom every morning. Looks like movie time to me. I have no clue what I will try to get the kids to do during our regular class times - I can't show movies all week (and in fact, if I cared, I would probably be worried about getting in trouble for showing them during that first hour...).
This coming Saturday will be part 1 of my 2 part GRE prep at Christian Brothers University. Got the class list, 25 students, which means I should prepare for 30. Which really means running off a total of 30 copies of the packets, only two of which are needed for the first session.
Working the side yard lately on my yardwork/workout. Getting a nice spot cleared of sapling trees to plant a black raspberry, plus pulling up as much bamboo from the next yard without actually killing myself doing it. It was easier when I was younger, but that is probably also because I was actually in shape, not like now.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Jury Duty
As the warden or whatever he is called explained to us, it is "hurry up and wait." Arrive at 8:30am, spend 2 hours listening to orientation, pep-talk, attendance, all that stuff. Then they call names for different divisions, tell you the floor of the CJC (Criminal Justice Center, aka 201 Poplar) and the judge, and you walk down the street, go into the security area then up to the 6th floor. Where there are chairs enough for about 1/3 of the people who have just arrived. And no Wifi. And we wait. And some more. And at 1pm we are ushered into the courtroom where the judge tells us they are behind, come back at 2pm. Found an awesome cajun diner place that had a great shrimp po'boy, but not enough time to do much else. Back to the waiting game (a different group still hadn't even set foot into a courtroom). At 3pm, we go in again. Judge apologizes, explains both sides want a witness who did not show up. Nobody can get in touch with him, he may be cut off by the flooding (by the way, we are not...areas of the north and south parts of the city nearest the big river are underwater, but we are fine), so....come back tomorrow at 11am. Which is great news for all of us, and we go back out and rub it in to the people who still haven't gone into a courtroom.
Today I did yardwork (pruning rose bush, putting a few plants in the ground, finding out the "dead" azalea is actually tossing out new growth, but not at the ends of the stems), then a wonderful breakfast at Brother Juniper's...finally got to see the river, which IS amazingly high. 11am in the waiting room....waiting....waiting....then at 1pm we go in again. Now the judge apologizes again - explains the case is 2.5 years old and the witness has stated both that he has been pressured, and that he was never pressured by the defendant, who is a gang member. But, since they can't locate him they will push the trial back, issue a warrant for the witness, and we can all go home. Our jury duty is done.
So tomorrow I have a teller aptitude appointment with Region's Bank. Emailed the school and reminded them that I planned a personal day between the end of my jury duty and coming back to school. Not much they can do about it. So tomorrow I will do more yardwork (prying up bamboo that is still extant in the neighbor's yard) before the pre-screening. And we will see how that all goes. Oooh...and it is Trivia Night tomorrow night, too. Makes the week go by so much quicker, and once back at school the worst kids will be getting suspensions that keep them out until school ends. Whee!
Today I did yardwork (pruning rose bush, putting a few plants in the ground, finding out the "dead" azalea is actually tossing out new growth, but not at the ends of the stems), then a wonderful breakfast at Brother Juniper's...finally got to see the river, which IS amazingly high. 11am in the waiting room....waiting....waiting....then at 1pm we go in again. Now the judge apologizes again - explains the case is 2.5 years old and the witness has stated both that he has been pressured, and that he was never pressured by the defendant, who is a gang member. But, since they can't locate him they will push the trial back, issue a warrant for the witness, and we can all go home. Our jury duty is done.
So tomorrow I have a teller aptitude appointment with Region's Bank. Emailed the school and reminded them that I planned a personal day between the end of my jury duty and coming back to school. Not much they can do about it. So tomorrow I will do more yardwork (prying up bamboo that is still extant in the neighbor's yard) before the pre-screening. And we will see how that all goes. Oooh...and it is Trivia Night tomorrow night, too. Makes the week go by so much quicker, and once back at school the worst kids will be getting suspensions that keep them out until school ends. Whee!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The Search has Begun
The school week ended decently. Thursday was smooth with dice-rolling application to select which students would answer questions. This captivated them, and actually had just about everybody wanting to participate. Went through nearly a ream of paper making packets for my Jury Duty week - pity the copier won't staple any more. Then again on Friday morning, which was a "play" day since the afternoon was the outdoor Carnival. Where I got stuck on the reverse dunk tank (water balloon in a cradle that gets popped over the head of the volunteer - and we had more volunteers than pitchers) for hours and took a good deal of sun.
Then, the weekend. Went to see Thor with the geekier contingent from my trivia group. A fun movie, done better than I expected. Saturday was Free Comic Book Day, but I am becoming less of a regular at my shop, and was annoyed by the early birds with their entire families grabbing one of everything times five, not making an orderly line, etc. Then it rained, so I had to postpone my yard work, but the sun shone by 3pm and I did front and back yards (about which my back is currently complaining). Been getting good use of out Netflix since Sony Online was victimized by hackers and shut down all their games, leaving me without my DC Universe Online.
Mother's Day - a nice brunch at the University Holiday Inn. It is a teaching hotel, and the special event brunches are quite nice. Breakfast buffet, carving station, cold salads (and seafood), very long hot selections, then dessert stations. A success.
As for the search, I have started getting my resume back out, this time concentrating on banks - teller or a step up from there. I have background in loans, I am math oriented, etc. Long talk with the wife about her needing to make a decision whether she wants to participate in the income stream, which she did for a few months last year, then gave up the search when I landed in the County, or force me to work two jobs. Not sure where things are headed, but feet are on the path.
Jury Duty in the morning. The unknown. Don't know how long I will be there. Don't know if they will have WiFi (bringing a book AND the iPad). But I wouldn't mind being away from the school for the whole week.
Then, the weekend. Went to see Thor with the geekier contingent from my trivia group. A fun movie, done better than I expected. Saturday was Free Comic Book Day, but I am becoming less of a regular at my shop, and was annoyed by the early birds with their entire families grabbing one of everything times five, not making an orderly line, etc. Then it rained, so I had to postpone my yard work, but the sun shone by 3pm and I did front and back yards (about which my back is currently complaining). Been getting good use of out Netflix since Sony Online was victimized by hackers and shut down all their games, leaving me without my DC Universe Online.
Mother's Day - a nice brunch at the University Holiday Inn. It is a teaching hotel, and the special event brunches are quite nice. Breakfast buffet, carving station, cold salads (and seafood), very long hot selections, then dessert stations. A success.
As for the search, I have started getting my resume back out, this time concentrating on banks - teller or a step up from there. I have background in loans, I am math oriented, etc. Long talk with the wife about her needing to make a decision whether she wants to participate in the income stream, which she did for a few months last year, then gave up the search when I landed in the County, or force me to work two jobs. Not sure where things are headed, but feet are on the path.
Jury Duty in the morning. The unknown. Don't know how long I will be there. Don't know if they will have WiFi (bringing a book AND the iPad). But I wouldn't mind being away from the school for the whole week.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
It is getting tougher
to keep a brave face, when trying to teach unwilling students, secretly knowing this will be my swan song. I have told only 3 people in the school building, as the rumor mill works overtime (one of the things I think that contributed to my demise. Lots of little birdies talking in the ear of the principal, who I come to find out, has never been a classroom teacher. He went from guidance counselor to principal. And the little birdies spin things their way. Yesterday I had one of the teachers next to me screaming at a student at the top of her lungs - during our planning period. She shoves the students around as well - physically. Meanwhile I am chastised for having a voice that carries (usually considered a useful thing to a teacher) and "cussing out" students.)
So the kids are done learning, or at least trying to learn. We are all just counting days, and inside I take a very small chunk of joy knowing this is a countdown to more than just the end of the year. The anxiety about my next steps is great - perhaps if my wife gets more of a full-time job we both can work full time and actually have a little more than we have now. But I am wedged in that role of breadwinner, and she is entrenched in her role of working when she wants, wishing she could have more hours at the yarn shop (which won't happen, as the owner has a soft spot for a woman who lives alone, is a recovered alcoholic, and ignores customers), but won't pursue things like opening an Etsy shop (to sell patterns she designed, which could be emailed immediately, or even things she just casually knits), or follow up with her attempted entry into being a bank teller (took the suitability test, then never kept checking openings, since I got back into a teaching slot).
The rest of this month hopefully will be a blur. Next week, jury duty. The week after, wife travels to some wool show in Kentucky for a weekend, when I also happen to be doing a GRE/GMAT session on Saturday. Eventually she and the younger will fly to New York, and the daughter will stay for a month with the other daughter, with wife returning who knows when. I don't get consulted.
So the kids are done learning, or at least trying to learn. We are all just counting days, and inside I take a very small chunk of joy knowing this is a countdown to more than just the end of the year. The anxiety about my next steps is great - perhaps if my wife gets more of a full-time job we both can work full time and actually have a little more than we have now. But I am wedged in that role of breadwinner, and she is entrenched in her role of working when she wants, wishing she could have more hours at the yarn shop (which won't happen, as the owner has a soft spot for a woman who lives alone, is a recovered alcoholic, and ignores customers), but won't pursue things like opening an Etsy shop (to sell patterns she designed, which could be emailed immediately, or even things she just casually knits), or follow up with her attempted entry into being a bank teller (took the suitability test, then never kept checking openings, since I got back into a teaching slot).
The rest of this month hopefully will be a blur. Next week, jury duty. The week after, wife travels to some wool show in Kentucky for a weekend, when I also happen to be doing a GRE/GMAT session on Saturday. Eventually she and the younger will fly to New York, and the daughter will stay for a month with the other daughter, with wife returning who knows when. I don't get consulted.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
More Stormy Weather
Yesterday was very nice for the first part. We drove 2 hours to Coon Creek, an offshoot of the Pink Palace Museum for the annual fossil dig. The site is part of a prehistoric sand bar that stretched for a couple hundred miles when the Gulf of Mexico extended north into Missouri. The fossils (which are 70 million years old) are in a layer of clay-soil that is "mined" by backhoe. The creek itself is nothing much, but it has undercut the hillside so you can see the layers, and the site is rich in biodiversity with hundreds of species represented. The only catch is, the shells and such have not been mineralized, so they are sometimes quite fragile.
It was a sunny and warm day, and we spend a couple of hours at the site, then hauled for lunch and drive home. Clouded up and started to spit rain before we got back, not a great thing since the river hasn't crested and flood warnings are a daily thing. That evening we had a family get-together for my wife's youngest aunt (her mom's baby sister) which was kind of nice. The family is huge, with many cousins who are grown, and their kids. One cousin-in-law may have some part-time work organizing his law office over the summer. The office is just him and a partner - if work picks up they might hire my wife part or full time as office help, which would really help make ends meet and take some pressure off me as the bread-winner.
Overnight the storms set in. Thunder at 4am, continued through the day until about 3pm when the sirens started again. But it didn't really rain that much, even, or get windy. Just dark. Cooked a nice supper for mother-in-law and aunt-in-law (and of course my wife and daughter) which was greatly appreciated. Just baked chicken (brined to keep it moist), pan-roasted cauliflower (with some Rogan Josh sprinkled), vanilla ice cream with fresh strawberries (chopped, sugared with a dash of vanilla). Relaxing.
Yes, in all this I got papers graded, but not input. Motivation is severely lacking, even though I am not quite sure whether the "non-renewal" recommendation is a death sentence for my career. I suppose it is possible that HR could find me a spot at another school, but I am pretty sure this mark on my file is enough to keep any but the most desperate from taking me on. And since it is the most desperate cutting me loose, it doesn't look good.
It was a sunny and warm day, and we spend a couple of hours at the site, then hauled for lunch and drive home. Clouded up and started to spit rain before we got back, not a great thing since the river hasn't crested and flood warnings are a daily thing. That evening we had a family get-together for my wife's youngest aunt (her mom's baby sister) which was kind of nice. The family is huge, with many cousins who are grown, and their kids. One cousin-in-law may have some part-time work organizing his law office over the summer. The office is just him and a partner - if work picks up they might hire my wife part or full time as office help, which would really help make ends meet and take some pressure off me as the bread-winner.
Overnight the storms set in. Thunder at 4am, continued through the day until about 3pm when the sirens started again. But it didn't really rain that much, even, or get windy. Just dark. Cooked a nice supper for mother-in-law and aunt-in-law (and of course my wife and daughter) which was greatly appreciated. Just baked chicken (brined to keep it moist), pan-roasted cauliflower (with some Rogan Josh sprinkled), vanilla ice cream with fresh strawberries (chopped, sugared with a dash of vanilla). Relaxing.
Yes, in all this I got papers graded, but not input. Motivation is severely lacking, even though I am not quite sure whether the "non-renewal" recommendation is a death sentence for my career. I suppose it is possible that HR could find me a spot at another school, but I am pretty sure this mark on my file is enough to keep any but the most desperate from taking me on. And since it is the most desperate cutting me loose, it doesn't look good.
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