Thoughts and Time

I seem to live faster than the people around me. It bothers me. Not that I anticipate things (I broke that habit a long time ago when I tried to complete peoples' sentences - and discovered it was not "normal." It doesn't even bother me when people do it to me, now. I just keep talking), but my mind races over thoughts, repeating them. So they become etched more firmly in my mind.

This might not be a bad thing, except for the persistence of memory, and that bad things tend to stick around more easily and potently than good ones. My worries, usually unfounded ones, chase each other around and around the tree of my mind until the path is good and worn, and I am tired out. And only a few minutes have passed for everyone else.

The Talking Heads summed up my physicality right now...tense and nervous, can't relax. No, not a psycho killer, but I am keyed up, jittery, like a speed freak, but only on the inside. And so when I explode over some little thing, it is not a little thing to me, it is something that I have lived and re-lived dozens of times since it happened. And I don't think this jittery, fight-or-flight anxiety is visible to anybody, so I come off as a crazy person.

Anyhow, I am getting better at typing and playing games with a cat on my forearms. She is getting old now, and much thinner. Her glory days are behind her, as are her fat days...her skin is loose and petting her, I can feel her spine. But she likes to sleep on my stomach/lap here at the computer, and I can't deny her that, even if it gets in the way. She snuggles with only one other cat - the other two (the male and the kitten) she hisses at, as she does with the larger dog. The smaller one doesn't bother her. As a result, she tends to stay in one or two spots instead of roaming all over the house with the other cats. The second older female is her companion, but can also endure attention from the male and the kitten. She has also learned, from the kitten, the skill of jumping over the gate into the bedroom in a sort of vertical hurdle. Mainly to get the kitten's food, in our bathroom, But sometimes to sleep, unmolested, on the bed during the day. At night it belongs to the dogs and the kitten. Odd how they carve up the territory, but coexist.