Last night, I had a dream. It wasn't so much as a memory, or sequence of events, but it was a feeling. In the dream, suddenly everything fit. There were two patterns, and whatever I was doing caused them to overlap and match. When I woke up, I felt calm and secure in my memory that everything would fit. I woke up five or six more times, each time disoriented about what day it was, what time it might be, etc. but I hung on to that surety of balance and fitting.
It reminded me of another "feeling" dream, years ago during my first job in New York. I woke up with a terrible feeling, since in my dream I had found my perfect love, then lost it, somehow. That Monday, I got laid off (not exactly fired - I think the term downsized) from a job I loved. So I put some stake in these feelings. Can't say I have been comforted today - still have the shakes and what Hunter S. Thompson called "the fear."
But, my day is planned for tomorrow, and the two days I will be on my seminar are planned, but I still am being overwhelmed by every little decision, every task, weighing on me way more heavily than it should. I can't let go, and I am being dragged down. Back in the mid-70s the US went through an "energy crisis." I was this way for that entire summer, wondering if there would be enough fuel, enough energy to still maintain civilization. I would get extremely tense and nervous, and having a full stomach just made it worse. These days remind me of that time.
As a surprise, pre-Valentine's, I took the family to a nice dinner at Bosco's on the Square, a brewery/restaurant. It is a step up from our usual non-fast-food dining, and was unexpected. The next hurdle is planning the Spring Break trip north (March 14 - 18 if memory serves, and I am too lazy to open another window to check).
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