My crazy memory

I have always enjoyed Warren Zevon's music, once introduced to it way back in college. One of his 'greatest hits' compilations "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead" is my preferred long-haul driving music. His name came up during trivia this past week in response to the question "What big-name rock star was a surprise guest on Letterman's last show on NBC." I knew it was Springsteen, but Warren was a major guest on CBS, and subbed for Paul as band leader for a couple weeks, and they devoted an entire show to him prior to his death.

This all jogged my memory, so I picked up his auto?-biography from the library. The question mark is there because he DID contribute to it, but it was published after his death. Anyhow, I was a little shocked to be reminded that he died in 2003. To me, it seems a lot more recent. But then, my memory keeps a lot of things immediate, and doesn't always connect events with dates, or events with other events.

I think too much. And too quickly. Sometimes I can make connections super-fast, other times I re-live things multiple times in seconds so they are etched in my mind, whether I want them to be or not. This was never good in dating situations, since I would dwell on every tiny detail until I was half nuts. I run lots of scenarios really fast in my head - not normal by a long shot. I once told my therapist that I felt like I was in my 70s because I think a lot faster than "normal" people - the look on her face made me realize it might have sounded like I had done enough living.

Because my memories tend to be pretty sharp, if they get made, that is, things that happened decades ago are as fresh as yesterday. Which means the friends I have may not hear from me for long periods of time, but when they do, to me, it is just like I spoke to them yesterday. I will mean to call and catch up, but I will put it off, then feel like it is too late to re-connect, or that I have done something to offend, or whatever. That may be another "resolution" for the new year - to connect better with friends, and (OMG) family. In any case, my dearest friends know this about me, and lack of communication isn't me ignoring them, it is just that they are so current in my mind, I might not realize how much time has passed in the outside world. As in "outside my head" - since one of my friends rightly told me that I live a lot of time in my head.

Back to Warren - he lived a wild life during a wild period of history. I envy him, since his brand of insanity had an outlet that could be shared and appreciated by masses of others, while mine is pretty well stuck inside of me, and can only be exposed to small groups in small doses. Then again, I am a firm believer that creative genius (and maybe ALL genius) comes with the potential for life-shortening disaster, whether addiction, chronic depression, cancer, etc.

Tomorrow is back-to-school day for me, but not for my students. Not stressing much since I will have ample time to get things done.