I Went and Did it

After nearly a full week, I went and lost my mind during my most challenging class - the nightmare after lunch. I have one kid who is a tattletale (I need to go tell on you to Mr. Bates), another who can't shut up (whose parents were in this week, but who let slip today he doesn't/can't live with his mom), one who is so hyperactive he can't stay in his seat, but can't quite fathom why I have a problem with that, one who is flamboyant but whose mother doesn't want him to be around girls, one who is overly aggressive and lies to her parents, even in conferences with teachers...the list goes on and on. They punch my buttons, and I feel bad for the six or seven who are really there to learn.

Anyhow, today I just got so fed up, after having the guidance counselor speak to them more than 3 times, the police officer just talked to them on Monday, and today they wasted nearly the whole period on chatter - one would start and kick-start three others who prompted another bunch to chime in...etc. I tossed my badge on a table and threw open the door, saw an administrator down the hall and told her to look after my class, and I might be back later to claim my badge.

This led to some cooling off time in the office and about an hour with the principal talking about my shortcomings (most of which I knew), some scuttlebut from adults on the hall (which was patently false), and a request that I take the weekend to chill out and think about my next steps. Which were clear to me - stick out the next six weeks then never come back.

Then I ran into a teacher I admire and trust. And she does the same to me. Plus she is on WAY more anti-depressants than I am. And we chatted a bit, then went into a classroom with two of the other white male teachers and they filled me in on how many times they lost it in their first year, kicking desks, etc. Which made me feel a lot less alone, and outside of everything. And they were open and honest in a way that most teachers aren't, and it was a nice sort of fellowship - a place where I feel welcome and can get good advice. Including the fact that first-year teachers don't usually get let go - the policy is to give them a second chance, at least. So I won't be fired, even if I am not a fit. So I should stay put and make the best of things for at least another year. Since the state legislature just passed an increase in the tenure period, I don't know if that is 2 more or 4 more years of staying put, but these friends also told me I don't have to go back to school for a High School Math endorsement. I just have to pass the Praxis, which for me should be about as easy as having a panic attack.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. From a stable week to a nightmare, to a resolution, all in a short day.